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Dear Abby: I feel like I was born just to replace my brother

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DEAR ABBY: I have recently come to realize that, even though she may not want to acknowledge it, my mother gave birth to me to replace my older brother, who was, for lack of a better way to put it, kidnapped by legal means back in the ‘80s using loopholes in the court system. Realizing this has made me understand why I always felt she resented me for not being him. I grew up in his shadow — something I know she did her absolute best to not let me see, but I was perceptive enough to sense it.

Should I confront my mother, who is so far in denial that it’s extremely difficult living one state away from her because it’s just too close, or must I accept that there is no closure on the matter when I’m not sure that it is even possible? — OVERSHADOWED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR OVERSHADOWED: Regardless of how you arrived at this epiphany, have you tried talking about it with your mother, who may have no idea this has been going on in your head? You won’t know whether closure on the matter is possible until you level with her about your feelings and ask if she would be willing to discuss all of this with you and a licensed family therapist. I’m crossing my fingers in the hope she can help you put it to rest.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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