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Dear Annie: Over a year and a half ago, my brother abruptly quit his job, planning to take just a three-month sabbatical. He had substantial savings, so we all supported his decision to take some time off.
However, those three months have now stretched into a year and a half. My brother, in his early 30s, still lives at home with our elderly parents. I’ve spoken to my father about the situation, but he’s too soft-spoken to tell my brother that it’s time to step up. This extended break is starting to drain my father’s finances, as my brother isn’t contributing at all.
I suspect my brother’s behavior stems from deeper issues like low self-esteem and lack of purpose.
Annie, I’m married and have my own family, home and career. If my parents and other brothers won’t address this, does the responsibility fall on me to have this difficult conversation with him? — Burnt-Out Brother
Dear Burnt-Out Brother: Your brother is likely already having difficult conversations with himself every day. You’re right; he may be struggling with low self-esteem, a sense of worthlessness or even depression. If you care about him, yes, you should try talking to him, but approach it with curiosity rather than judgment. Ask about his future plans and offer support as a friend. He may need guidance and encouragement to find his way again.
If he’s completely unreceptive to your approach, it might be time to have a conversation with your parents about no longer enabling his prolonged unemployment.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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