not<\/em> to do when it comes to love and relationships: use music as a sign of compatibility.<\/p>\nEmily Kim:<\/strong> When I went to a coffee shop today, the cashier told me that the guy standing in front of me paid for my drink! And even better, when I went over to thank him, I saw on his phone he was playing, \u201cStreet Spirit (Fade Out)\u201d by Radiohead. How could anyone expect me not to sit down and find out more about him?<\/p>\nSo, we talked. I don\u2019t even remember for how long, long enough for the layer of ice in my drink to completely water it down. Anyway, he explained that he is also a huge Radiohead fan (even if his favorite album is Pablo Honey<\/em>, sorry), and Cigarettes After Sex as well (he also attentively listened to my rambling about their concert I attended last September). He had to go to some meeting, but he left me his number; so, I basically had just met my soulmate. And with us bonding over music like that? We\u2019re just like Tom and Summer from \u201c500 Days of Summer,\u201d with that whole \u201cI love The Smiths\u201d scene that everyone is raving about.<\/p>\n\n\t\t<\/aside>\nJC Rafal: <\/strong>Well, first off, did we watch the same movie? In the kindest way possible, did you watch it with a blindfold on? Tom and Summer did not make it. Even though they had that shared connection of music that kickstarted their relationship, it eventually came to an end. That was the point of the film: Not every romance is meant to last. Not every person is your soulmate. Not every person is the one<\/em>. In fact, we are supposed to realize that Tom\u2019s perspective and whole philosophy are, well, flawed.<\/p>\nThere is one more lesson to take away from Tom and Summer\u2019s love of The Smiths: Similar music taste does not<\/em> equal compatibility. Shared interests might seem like a foundation for a beautiful relationship, but it doesn\u2019t guarantee a healthy one. Sure, one might think that because they share a favorite song, they would also have compatible love languages and personalities, but that is almost never the case. The foundation of a relationship involves far more than both having \u201cThere Is a Light That Never Goes Out\u201d on a playlist. Just because someone has a similar music taste (or even film, literature and other art) as you doesn\u2019t mean they are your soulmate. Don\u2019t be like Tom. So yeah. Maybe think twice about that someone who listens to Radiohead and Cigarettes After Sex.<\/p>\nEK:<\/strong> Isn\u2019t the whole point of music for artists to share thoughts and express feelings through meaningful lyrics and moving instrumentals? So if someone else understands the music the same way I do, wouldn\u2019t it translate to having a compatible, meaningful understanding of the world?\u00a0<\/p>\nSure, Tom and Summer didn\u2019t work out in the end, but was that really because of how they met? Wasn\u2019t it the opening conversation about The Smiths that led them to pursue each other in the first place? Tom admittedly has several moments that might leave audiences shaking their heads, such as when Summer opens up and shares personal stories, but he fails to truly listen or understand her, preoccupied by his excitement and infatuation. However, was he really mistaken to assume such a connection, especially with Summer\u2019s earlier enthusiasm? If that isn\u2019t a reliable way to understand two people\u2019s compatibility, why are so many movies displaying it as such?<\/p>\n
JR: <\/strong>Music is a strong form of expression, but just because you and someone else similarly understand music, it doesn\u2019t necessarily correlate with other affectionate aspects in life. People like music for their own reasons, and they have their own unique perspectives about it, which are shaped by their own personal experiences and emotions. Just because you and the coffee shop guy have the same music taste doesn\u2019t mean you like it for the same reasons. Both of your tastes\u00a0are fueled by your own respective feelings and values of life. As I previously mentioned, the foundation of a relationship \u2014 and compatibility as well \u2014 goes beyond just having the same song on your playlist.<\/p>\n\n\t\t<\/aside>\nTom and Summer\u2019s initial interaction revolved around The Smiths, and it did lead to them pursuing each other, but again, it showed that simply having a similar interest is not enough for the foundation of a relationship. The whole point of \u201c500 Days of Summer\u201d is to show a realist approach to love and romance. Yes, Tom was<\/em> wrong to assume a connection! He completely disregarded the fact that Summer was upfront from the start that she did not want anything serious \u2014 maybe she realized that a shared interest in English rock doesn\u2019t take a relationship far. His warped perception of the relationship was based on idealization and fantasy, and all because he thought Summer\u2019s love for The Smiths indicated they were soulmates.\u00a0\u201c500 Days of Summer\u201d is unique as it takes a realist approach to the romance genre. It takes a cute trope like having similar tastes, then turns it on its head, showing how it is essentially a warning that having a shared interest is not a sign of compatibility. Reality is not like the movies.<\/p>\nEK: <\/strong>That makes sense. After rewatching, I can definitely see how the movie is framing their relationship as a warning. This becomes especially evident in the scenes where Tom begins to sense Summer distancing herself and she makes it clear that she doesn\u2019t want a committed relationship \u2014 a turning point that starts to reveal the film\u2019s deeper message, which many viewers might miss on their first watch.\u00a0<\/p>\nIn \u201cBefore Sunrise,\u201d Jesse (Ethan Hawke, \u201cDead Poets Society\u201d) and Celine\u2019s (Julie Delpy, \u201c2 Days in Paris\u201d) first meeting on a train can be seen as a more romanticized and idealistic version of how a bond fabricated through art can sprout into something bigger. In the film, Jesse strikes up a conversation with Celine on the train due to the book she is reading. As Celine is certain about their connection, she purposefully misses her stop on the train to spend more time with Jesse before they are forced to return home. Their night together is filled with deep conversations about love, life and forms of art they feel connected to. \u201cBefore Sunrise\u201d and so many other films frame music and shared love for art as something essential to making a relationship more meaningful and fruitful. I\u2019m not saying a relationship can\u2019t have these traits without a deep first meeting, but the fact that quite a few films paint relationships with that foundation as successful and beautiful ones could confuse watchers on whether or not such a connection like that is necessary to maintain a relationship.<\/p>\n
JR: <\/strong>I honestly believe that one of the best things for a relationship to have is for each partner to have their own unique tastes, whether it comes to music, film, art or anything else. Sharing your favorite things with your partner in this case feels more intimate and affectionate, as you are essentially inviting them to the way of how you perceive life, and sharing what makes you, well, you. It allows for genuine appreciation of the other person: showing vulnerability by sharing what is meaningful to you. For instance, when my girlfriend sends me her 2000s emo playlist and I send her my Asian shoegaze playlist in return, it feels distinctly intimate; you\u2019re essentially sharing a piece of yourself with another person. While I\u2019m not saying having an overlap in tastes is bad, having respective tastes can strengthen a relationship more.\u00a0<\/p>\nAnd please. Please do not project yourself onto films, especially romances. You are not Tom. You are not Summer. Films are relatable, yes, but projecting yourself onto them can be incredibly unhealthy. Projecting yourself and interpreting it through your personal lens can distort the intended message of the film. In the film, we flashback to Tom watching \u201cThe Graduate\u201d as a child and completely misreading the film and its ending; this would lead to his flawed philosophy of life and romance, and it certainly didn\u2019t help him in his relationship. Don\u2019t be like Tom when it comes to \u201c500 Days of Summer.\u201d So when it comes to you and that guy in the coffee shop, don\u2019t try to replicate what Tom and Summer had. Instead, write your own story. It\u2019s that simple.<\/p>\n