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DEAR ABBY: My husband recently lost a substantial amount of weight. He’s 30 pounds lighter and has been maintaining it with up to a 10-pound fluctuation. Before he lost the weight, his family constantly commented on his weight and would ridicule him. They’d poke his stomach and say, “What’s this?” in a not nice way. After he lost the weight, they continued with comments like, “Where’d your stomach go?” They never seem to cease. If he’s on the heavier side, they comment about him gaining the weight back (it isn’t true; the scale doesn’t lie).
My husband is tired of being picked on and beaten down. He is at a healthy weight and happy with his body when he isn’t being degraded. How should we let his family know we don’t appreciate these comments? To clarify, this includes not only his immediate family but also his extended relatives. What would be a good way to tactfully say — in the moment — that we don’t appreciate their commentary? — PICKED ON IN OREGON
DEAR PICKED ON: I’m not sure you should handle these relatives with kid gloves. It might have more impact if your husband tells them, CALMLY, that he has tolerated their comments about his weight, but he finally has a handle on it and doesn’t need their constant “weigh-ins.” They are neither helpful nor funny, and they should stop. If not, they’ll be seeing less of the two of you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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