In recent years, studies have found that young adults are dating less than they used to. In 2025, 31% of young adults were in active relationships. Multiple factors are contributing to this phenomenon, including society’s general deemphasis of marriage and romance, increased fear of vulnerability and hindered social skills post-pandemic.
These reasons suggest that dating is a sought-after but unattained goal among young adults; to be sure, the majority of them still seek marriage. However, these factors alone fail to encompass the whole story. The thread that might explain this decline is a new cultural affirmation of singlehood: the idea is that learning to be content with ourselves is necessary before embarking on a romantic relationship.
On paper, this is an understandable line of reasoning, but this attitude does not always lead to long-term romantic success. Wanting to figure out one’s life before dating is theoretically admirable, but it’s only through the experience of putting yourself out there — and failing — that you’ll learn how to actually thrive in a successful relationship.
Romantic relationships are formative experiences that are important for young people to develop interpersonal skills.
Failed relationships can be especially instructive, but some young people may have unrealistic expectations — many see breakups as a sign that their relationship was a waste of time.
This is a flawed way of approaching love. While it’s understandable to be hurt over a failed relationship you expected to last, these failures ultimately serve as learning experiences, teaching us about ourselves and how we operate in relationships — our strengths, insecurities, needs and attachment styles. Through trial and error, we learn our communication patterns; through different partners, we see what kinds of lifestyles, values and personalities we are compatible with — and the ones we’re not. For example, in struggling to date an emotionally reserved person, you might learn that you prioritize pronounced affection.
Young adults, especially in college, have broader romantic prospects than most people. Of course, dating is not easy for anyone, but our youth and relative lack of responsibilities make it less difficult. At college campuses, we are surrounded by a large number of single people who are similar to us, in age and life experience. While many relationships in college do not last forever — due in part to relocation and post-college transitions — it’s still in these earlier years that we can most freely learn about our romantic quirks. Plus, the earlier we have these experiences, the better protected we are from romantic failure later in life, where the consequences can be more devastating due to property, children and financial strain.
Sometimes, romantic relationships are discussed as though they are merely a “distraction” from the busy lives of students. But wanting and valuing romance should not be treated as a moral failure. Toxic codependency — the emotional overreliance on another person, to the point it hinders one’s ability to independently function — is a real problem, especially in college, where it might lead to disrupted academic performance. But it’s entirely possible to strive for healthy relationships without falling into such behaviors — especially if you prioritize alone time, self care practices like exercise and establish communication boundaries. In the same vein, it’s not emotionally immature to feel lonely in the absence of a relationship, or to feel pained in one’s dissolution. To feel deeply for someone else is evidence of personhood, and it should not be discouraged in its entirety.
Of course, there is some truth to the benefits of being single, and, indeed, it would be unhealthy for one’s happiness to be wholly reliant on being in a relationship. There is rising stress on the importance of independence. To some, this is only achieved by detaching from romantic partners. Doing so can save money, limit drama and allow one to learn self-sufficiency.
With respect to self-sufficiency, it’s often said that if you’re not happy alone, you won’t be happy in a relationship. As a result, many feel obligated to work on developing their careers, friendships and other areas of their lives before putting themselves out there romantically.
However, in excess, this attitude can be detrimental — the desire to have achieved one’s idealized life before dating, often to mitigate the risk of failure, ultimately suppresses romantic opportunities. Sometimes, in pursuing complete self-reliance, we can close ourselves off from relationships that might have been healthy or fruitful. We might even become too independent, isolating ourselves to an unhealthy degree.
The fact of the matter is that personal growth is a never-ending journey. All the self-growth in the world will not result in a completely fixed, stable version of yourself. Perhaps it is true that we must take on a certain amount of personal maturation before being ready for a long-term relationship, but it is unhelpful to promote the idea that we must be entirely self-actualized before experimenting romantically, point-blank.
Long-term success should not be the only marker of whether a romantic relationship is fulfilling. As young people place higher expectations not only on their potential partners but on themselves, they prevent themselves from enjoying a relationship for what it can be. While being single is as respectable an option as any other, we should not let fear, perfectionism or unrealistic standards be the reasons we opt out of love. We should allow ourselves to explore romance, especially in our youth, even if it results in an eventual breakup. Love itself, even when impermanent, can be worth it. We learn about ourselves along the way.
Maximus Craig is an Opinion Analyst who writes about student life, politics and campus culture. He can be reached at maxcraig@umich.edu.
